I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
