So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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