Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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