so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
