remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
