My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
