hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
