Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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