i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
