OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
