I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
