So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
