I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
