I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
