I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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