roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
