i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I love you.
Bad choice
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
