You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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