I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
