How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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