It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
