Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
