I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
