If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
