how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
