Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
