Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
