Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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