he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
