Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pants are for mortals
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
