is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
