Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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