I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
