i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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