i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
