The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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