I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
