I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
