is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
