so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
