They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
