I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
