i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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