Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What a dumb baby whore.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You ruined the universe
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
