in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
