My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
