I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
