I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
