hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
