Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just had sex on a roof
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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