i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Boobs speak an international language.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
