Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
