Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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