just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
