we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
